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I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again, that might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I am still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know- I don't know what else I can do!

Everyday is exactly the same!
Everyday is exactly the same!
There is no love here and there is no pain
Everyday is exactly the same!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

3:59 PM
-------------------

"FOR JOSH"

(Originally posted in AnimePhilosophy 5/22/04)

(NOTE: I really didn't accept God at this date, hence being miserable for so long.
I HAVE accepted Christ now, at 10:45 pm, Monday the 18 of July)

As you know, I've recently accepted God, and my dad isn't very happy. He wishes that I would have accepted God with the Jehovah's Witnesses, not with CornerStone Fellowship. I must say, that though my dad's been persecuting me everyday about my choice of church, I'm happier than I ever was in the Jehovah's Witness, or the Catholic Church, or any other churches that I've failed to mention.

I'll come back to this later, but I wanted to rant on about atheists. You know, some of you reading this are atheists, I have real life friends who are atheists and I have no problem w/ it. What I do have a problem w/ is people who call themselves Christian, but really aren't! It gets me so mad 'cause they always talk about their faith in God, and then they turn around and put others down, who aren't Christian. Who are they to do this, when they really don't believe, or have a relationship with Him!? They are just a bunch of hypocrites, and I really hate hypocrites, especially those who use religion to put others down, and go parading about how they are "better" than others who aren't!
America is just a hypocrite nation, we are suspossed to be a "Christian Nation" yet we break the simplest of laws, and just follow the crowd to church. People go to church, just because their parents told them to when they were young, not because they believe. They. . . wow. . . I have no words to descibe them. . they are just low. It even says in the Bible, it is better to not know Christ, than to know Him, and turn away. Guess what these hypocrites are doing?

At my current church, you go in, and you KNOW that everyone believes in God, and aren't just following the crowd, or going through the motions unfaithfully. I wish there were more churches like CornerStone, maybe we'd actually have people that would believe.

I've been to alot of churches in my lifetime, and have been miserable in all of them, none of them made me actually believe in God, and others actually made hate God. The reason I went into this rant was because today me and others in our worship band went to Midland, a surburban semi-city near my little town. We went their because a church there needed us to play, because they've needed a band for quite some time. So anyways we go, and the feeling was like. . . negative to say the least. Almost every single person there was an atheist, or hated God, yet they all go to that church there every Sunday, for the heck of it!! They go through the motions, say Amen at the proper time, stand and sit at the right time, all lie by saying they love God. Then they go home, and guess what? It's back to the "real" world, it's like God has no place outside of church.

Once again, I have many friends who flat out don't believe in God, but I still love them and they are some of my best friends. I just don't like pharisees!! So I have just some advice for everyone who reads this: If you believe in God, do what you think is best, whether stay in the church you are in, or find a better one!! And if you don't believe in God, don't go to church, don't lie to yourself or anyone else!!

Now back to my dad. . . If you are a Christian, don't be a dull one!! Don't parade around like you are better than other people!! That's what my dad does and I hate him for it. He says that he's a "real Christian" that he devotes his life to God, and never has fun, for it is supposedly the devil's work to have fun. . . like WTF!?!? He says that I should never have fun, he doesn't want me to be w/ friends, he doesn't want me to experience new things. . . And to tell you the truth, my dad is miserable at the Jehovah's Witness' place, yet he is so brainwashed, so used to going through the motions, that he'll protect them, and is too afraid to leave, for fear of what they may say. Yes, my dad's an atheist, but he's too afraid to admit it. . . it's just really sad.

If you don't remember anything else from this post, just remember, don't pretend to be something you're not, whether it be in religion, or anything else, 'cause you will be miserable your entire life.

(Note: I've found out today, that my real life dad, the one mentioned in the post, has been abandoned by the Jehovah Witnesses. A perfect example of using Christianity as a means of control. They made him give money to their church, told him to abandon me, and then, after they got done with him, they left him out in the cold. Pray for my dad....)

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